My Onion Pi

If you can figure out the name, you'll know what it's about. Fortunately, I'm literate. I'm also funny on occasion. Just beware of the flying PMS.

Monday, December 26, 2005

My Favorite Day: The Day After Christmas


Can I bitch about Christmas now?? Is it OK with ya’ll? (I’ll take that as a Yes.)

God, am I glad Christmas is over! The stress, the pressure and the bullshit.
Why? That’s all I want to know is why! Why do we put ourselves through this Hellishness every year? And Expensive Hellishness to boot.

I worked in the ER both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day this year. I can’t tell you how many people came in for Dumb Ass Stuff. Rashes. Rashes that they have had for days. A Cough, The Sniffles, A Stomach Ache. (Hasn’t anyone heard of Tylenol?? Or Rolaids?? How about Robitussin??) Amazing. Anything to have an excuse to get away from the Stress…and the disappointment. So much easier to seek the Great Escape of the Emergency Room than to face what is really going on. Then, of course, there’s all the people who dragged Grandma out of the Nursing Home, to prop her at the end of the Christmas Table (so that they won’t feel even guiltier than they already do for stickin’ her in a Nursing Home) who then call 911 when she’s exhibits any one of the hundreds of usual symptoms of chronic disease states that she possesses. So we have her blood drawn and analyzed, her chest X-Ray’ed, and her head Cat Scanned – all to find out the only thing she is suffering from is old age and dumb ass relatives.

But, for all those who manage to grit their teeth and stay the course at home, there’s the barrage of shitty, useless unwanted gifts to grin and bear. I’m so tired of getting gifts that are designed for people that "you don’t know very well, but feel obligated to give them something anyway". I don’t need anything – really. And anything I do need, I buy for myself. Anything I really WANT, no one is going to buy me anyway so, save yer money! Give it to charity, or better yet – pay off your credit cards with it and tell me about it later. I’ll be much happier for you…and for me.

But, no one wants to give it up. So, we have to keep on buying gifts for kids that have so much stuff it’s coming out their ears, adults who have absolutely no intention of using what you gave them, and don’t need it or want it anyway, and babies who would much rather play with the bows and the ribbons than the expensive overload of gifts that you just gave them.

To top it all off, the cherry on the sundae is all the religious in-fighting over what should and shouldn’t be said, done, printed, published, televised, put in the Town Square, put in the Public School, put in the Courthouse and sent out as an Official statement. Oy vey! It’s enough to start those crying statues of the Virgin Mary puking!

I say next year we all stay out of the stores and stay in our own homes and just chill. We don’t send cards with messages of any kind and we let everyone do their own thing without comment or criticism. We eat the food we would normally eat and forgo the extra 5 or 10 pounds, and we actually get a decent amount of sleep in the final week of December. We take all the money we would have spent – and pay off our debt, or stick it in the Savings Account. And finally, we take all the time and energy we would have exerted…and spend it curled up on the couch with our families or friends, watching a movie with a bowl of popcorn and a bottle of beer. Then we could all get together sometime in February, when there's nothing to do any way, and there's far less stress and pressure to meet some imaginary standard set by Hollywood decades ago...
...So wadda ya’ll think??

Love and Peace,
One Seriously Baked Christmas Ham

5 Comments:

At Mon Dec 26, 05:35:00 PM, Blogger kimmyk said...

Now you come up with these ideas...the day after Christmas. Way to go you seriously baked Christmas Ham!

I remember a few years ago my families all pooled our money and donated to charity. It was done and over with and we did something good. I don't know why we don't do that again every year. I should have thought about this a month ago....you should have posted this a month ago and then I would have remembered. This is your fault Hamrose....next year...if there is a next blogging year.....let's do this post in November...

word.

 
At Tue Dec 27, 05:05:00 AM, Blogger Queen Snarfetta said...

The only really good Christmases I've had is when I escape from my family physically - go on a trip. It has long seemed more than a little unjust to me that custom has to dictate when we give a gift and when we don't. I hate the whole thing more than I can say. I fully intend to give it up entirely next year. I tried really hard to surrender to the stupid thing this year and I've come out so depressed I want to freaking DIE so I'm done. DONE done.

 
At Tue Dec 27, 01:25:00 PM, Blogger Hamrose said...

I would have said something sooner, but I didn't want to come across as a big Bah Humbug (I don't mind coming across as opinionated...but I'm not quite as miserable as all that). I like the theory of Christmas, it's just been ruined by Hollywood, Hallmark and Wal-mart, ya know what I mean? Not to mention the religious right and the religious left who have made it impossible to do anything without a big controversy. I just can't stand seeing the piles of stuff my kids get that they don't need or appreciate when so many people are really hurting for the basic necessities. I like your idea Kimmyk. I think in November I'm going to pick a gift from one of those catalogs where you can buy a goat or a cow for a village instead of the usual assortment of crap for people who don't need anymore crap.
Maybe Nukie and family will join me. Maybe the rest of the family will join me? The topic of conversation for next Thanksgiving's Dinner!

 
At Tue Dec 27, 01:30:00 PM, Blogger Hamrose said...

Of course, I'll still send some chocolate to the Queen..because she is the Queen..and she sends me chocolate, too...Chocolate doesn't count as Christmas crap. It's Hammy's Chocolate Exemption from my Campaign to Eliminate Useless Christmas Crap. Hmm-mm...that's kind of catchy....maybe we can fine tune it a little and come up with something even better. Suggestions anyone??

 
At Tue Dec 27, 03:09:00 PM, Blogger Chuck said...

The holidays do seem like a tv dinner. Everything's all there but....yuck. You know this meat & three ain't gonna cut it. I'd love a complete break from all the trappings of what we now call Christmas. I'm with you.

 

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