My Onion Pi

If you can figure out the name, you'll know what it's about. Fortunately, I'm literate. I'm also funny on occasion. Just beware of the flying PMS.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

The Cube That Saved Christmas

Well it is definitely “The Season” because the Ham-ster has found her way in to the dreaded “Mall”. “The Mall” falls into the category of “Things That Make My Life More Complicated” similar in fact, to “pop”. The barrage of stimuli gives the Ham-meister a headache, and I really hate using the “Public Toilet”. (It must be a family trait).
But, a shopping we must go!

My kids still believe in Santa, although I doubt that will last much longer. While it is fun, it does put the pressure on every year. The deal is “Mom” gives all those practical gifts like clothes and DVD’d, books and Craft Toys, etc. While “Santa” gives a big, impractical and often expensive gift that “Mom” would never buy.
For example, one year it was the Barbie Townhouse, complete with two sets of furniture and the car. However, this year “Santa’s” heat bills are outrageous and overtime ain’t what it used to be, and well…”Santa” is broker than usual.

There really is no big ticket item this year either. It certainly isn’t like the “Talking Elmo” days is it?? Thankfully, “the girls” aren’t bigtime gamers, so I have been spared the request for the X Box 360. However, my daughter did mention some “cube thing” that I dutifully trudged out looking for.

Being a “non-gamer” type of Ham, I grabbed the nearest pimple faced young man who seemed relatively idle and asked for a quick 101 course on “gaming”. After ascertaining the subtle, but distinct differences between the Cube, the Station and the Box and after a quick perusal of all the horrible violent games they were associated with, I decided the “Box” would be the best way to go. Alas! The Box package was a tad bit outrageous – making the gas bills look like a bargain, so I did what any chocolate deprived, over-stimulated coffee craving Ham-ster would do. I called Nukie for advice. Nukie directed me to a “game place” (sensible directions having been subsequently obtained by Mrs. Nukie) and I walked in to the Shangri La of gaming games. I asked a less pimply, but equally knowledgeable gaming girl store clerk to “hook me up” with a package of some kind, and after several painful contortions of trading off games that were making my hair stand on end, and juggling various controllers and accessories we headed to the check out counter only to find out they did not accept checks! Fatigue, lack of chocolate and too much coffee and now sans the appropriate plastic as well, I headed home.

The next day, I decided to trade the game world for socks. Nice sensible, easy to figure out socks. I went to Target. A store that I could understand. Well, Lo and Behold. What should greet my bloodshot little Hammy eyes but the Store Circular, advertising a perfectly bundled package for The Cube, that included TWO controllers, all the accessories I needed AND, best of all – a game that didn’t make my hair stand on end. I headed to the Electronics Department, still a little unsure, but figuring this: If I went there and they had one I would take it as a sign from God, and jump into the gaming world and not look back. If they were sold out, I would also take that as a sign from God, and head to the sock department.

In the Electronics Department I found a suitably nerdy enough young man who I knew would know EXACTLY everything I would need, and where to find it. I could almost hear the Holy Choir singing as Nick, the sales kid took it out from behind the locked glass-doored cabinet. “It’s our last one.” He said. And…there it was….like the Holy Grail….THE CUBE. Intact in it’s cleverly marketed bundled package with a nice decent Mario brothers game to boot. Surely, it was a sign. I bought it. “Santa” and dare I say, Christmas has been “saved”.


At Wed Dec 21, 11:44:00 AM, Anonymous mrs. nukie said...

funny story, hammy! when you realize that your children are gaming 24/7, and only remember who you are when they need food brought to them, please don't take it out on nukie!! --we have purchased a digital camera for our middle child, the diplomat and peace-maker, because we know that she will use it to take beautiful pictures of her siblings in the middle of a brawl, being sure to close-up on the blood flying.

At Wed Dec 21, 01:25:00 PM, Blogger kimmyk said...

Isn't it stressful to save Santa's behind every year? I remember being totally gutted when my kids thought Santie Claus abandoned them by not getting that ONE gift. Thankfully, mine are old enough so I just give 'em money-and I'm ok with it. If Santa doesn't give them that almight imortant gift-then uh that's on them this year.

Also, way cool to see MRS. NUKIE blogging.

At Wed Dec 21, 10:05:00 PM, Blogger Hamrose said...

It is a pain to keep saving Christmas...whose blog site was that on??? Or did I read it somewhere else. In any case it was very funny.


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