Job Interview Questions

I had a job interview the other day. It actually wasn’t a job I even wanted, having applied for it on a lark, but that’s a long dull story. The interesting part was the “interview” or I should say the interviewer. The questions they ask on interviews to assess your…I don’t know what? Competency? Threshold for violence?? Pliability??? Whatever it’s designed to test, the questions are inane.

What is your greatest strength? What is your greatest weakness? What would your co-workers say about you? What do you consider your biggest accomplishment? Where do you see yourself in five years? What do you hope to accomplish in your lifetime?

I would love – just once – to answer these questions the Hammy way!

What is your greatest strength? “Um, that I don’t want to rule the world aaaand I’m not a greedy evil bastard?”

What is your greatest weakness? “Well, it’s probably that fact that I consider the vast majority of people mindless slaves of the system who exist to annoy and irritate me!”

What would your co-workers say about you? “That I’m an opinionated ball-buster….with a heart.”

What do you consider your biggest accomplishment? “Um, probably the fact that I haven’t strangled the shit out of one of the many assholes I’ve run across in my lifetime.”

Where do you see yourself in five years? “Um, well…unless I win the lottery, or land a rich old husband…probably…doing what I’m doing now…only…five years older.”

What do you hope to accomplish in your lifetime? “Well, um…being able to retire and not have to eat cat food…and…. reaching the end of my life without having to wear diapers again.”

Yeah. Truth – not a hot commodity in today’s world.
Peace & Love, Ham-ster