Wakanukie, ya owe me ten bucks

Well, I ended up with a "B" in Chemistry. Not bad for an old broad who hasn't taken an Algebra or a Science class in two decades...
I learned some interesting stuff.
Namely, you can whip up all kinds of useful things in a chemistry lab.
For example, the chemical formula for Trinitrotoluene (also known as TNT) is C7H5(NO2)3 and Cyanide is a basically simple polyatomic ion of Carbon and Nitrogen.

Ah well, it's a good thing I discovered all this stuff after the good old bad days...(the fun I could have had...)

So the Hammy family is going on vacation later this month. Unfortunately it won't involve VW buses, Gerry Garcia or tie dye clothing. But it's a vacation nonetheless. We're going to the seaside. Or close enough...the idyllic shores of Lake Ontario. For a NO AGENDA week of sand and sun.

I trotted the little Hams and Wakanukies kids to Target for bathing suits and a few new clothes. The youngest Ham has a bad habit of thinking her clothes are either single-use only or really portable napkins. Gee-sus. It's bad enough that one look around the kitchen and you can always tell where she's eaten, but one look at her shirt will tell you WHAT she's eaten. Terrible.
Anyway, I spent a good portion of the time in the Fitting Room telling them "Come on girls, Auntie Ham needs a Latte - bad."

Memo to self: Next time, stop at Tim Horton's FIRST.

Afterward I took them all to lunch at the only place all four of them could agree on...Mc Donalds. (Yuk.) So there we are with our assorted "Happy Meals" and the like. Well, my older niece makes a tiny (teeny tiny) hole in the corner of the packet of her salad dressing, and decides to "squirt" the rest out by shear force. In the meantime this older man comes walking down the aisle just as her salad dressing arch's into the air, and gets the vast majority of the packet on both legs of his pants. So I get up and try to help him wipe up the mess with a napkin (bad idea. very bad idea.) and she (poor thing) was completely mortified and really very sorry about the whole thing, but he was a little porky about it (not that I blame him) so I ended up having to give him ten bucks so he could dry clean his pants. Afterwards the kids and I laughed about it but I was doing all this on NO COFFEE (another very bad idea.)

Anyway, the upshot of the day:
1) Caesar Salad dressing does not come out easily from silk pants.
2)It takes half a week to earn it and one hour to spend $300 on shorts, T-shirts, two tiny bathing suits and a beach blanket.
3) and Waka, ya owe me ten bucks.

Is it September yet?

Hammy

In memory

This is one of my favorite pictures of Mary and the infant Jesus.

Well, it's over. The funeral was this morning. Unfortunately I had a Chemistry final to take and could not attend. For the lack of concentration I had, it almost would have been better to go to the funeral, but whatever I end up getting on this exam will be better than a zero.

I did go to the wake yesterday.

There aren't even words to describe how bad it was. My poor cousin was so buried in grief he was inconsolable. Everyone was just so heart broken.

I can't think of anything harder to wrap your mind around than the sight of a toddler in a casket. It's just a crime against nature.

The cycle of life is so hard to understand. There in the same room was his sister, who is expecting her first child in August. I felt bad for her in a way, but actually the timing couldn't be better in a way. We need the joy. They all need the joy.

Fortunately he has a large and very close family. And they all have very strong faith. Of course, no one really ever wants to test that faith...not like this...

The funny thing is, when something like this happens you cry for them as much as you do for yourself. The thought of the death of your own children makes it's way into your head.

I appreciate the thoughts and comments from everyone. It means a lot. I know this is a hard subject to read about but I really couldn't write about anything else when this was happening. I hope you all understand (I know you do).

Thanks,
Hammy

Not good news

My cousin's daughter died yesterday. She was 3 years old.
She drowned in their pool.
My mother told me the news before I went into work today. My first thought was that maybe it wasn't true (somehow) and my second thought was that I was glad they didn't come into my ER because it happened when I was at work Saturday. I know that may seem like a shitty thought, and maybe it is, but I don't want to see my family in my ER. That's one of my biggest fears. Sometimes it does happen, but not too often. And it's never happened with anything like this. This horrible...thing.

My poor cousin. He was watching her and he fell asleep. All I could think of was, how often did that happen to me when I was watching the kids. I am afraid for him. He is so griefstricken. There aren't words that can even describe his depth of grief and guilt.

I've been thinking about that psychic visit I had a couple of months ago when she told me she saw a funeral. A female relative.

Ever since she told me that - almost daily - I would think about it and wonder who it was and when it was going to happen. A few weeks ago I decided that the future is something I would rather not have advanced knowledge about. It's too much of a burden, and I can't deal with it as much as I would like to think I can.

I never thought it would be a little one.

I just don't understand things sometimes.

I want to go and see him. I just don't know if I should. This is so terrible. I don't want to intrude on his grief, but I want him to know I care.

Sometimes I think about losing my kids. I don't know what I would do if that happened. My littlest one is such a joy. She is so beautiful to look at. I just love staring at her pretty little heart shaped face. Sometimes I sit her on my lap and just let her prattle on and on and just watch her animations. And I think to myself, "God, she is just so beautiful." She holds all my joy, she really does. I don't know what I would do without her.

I feel so bad. I feel so bad for him. I feel so bad that all I can think about is that I'm glad it didn't happen to me. I know that's a normal thing to think, but I feel bad about it anyway.

The picture above is kind of strange, but what kind of picture do you post with something like this really? It's a photo someone took of the Black Madonna, but it came out too dark. Somehow I thought it would fit here....

How is it we can go through life and survive all the terrible things we survive?
And Christ Almighty, why do we have to? Why does life have to be so fucking hard all the time?

There must be more to the question of life and death.
The psychic told me there was nothing I could do about it and nothing I could do to stop it.
She also told me "she is ready to go".

I don't know what to make of that. When she said that I just assumed it was an older relative (Or me. shit sometimes I'm fucking ready to go.) But I never thought it was going to be a child.

All I can say, is I sincerely hope someday all of this crazy shit makes sense somehow. That someday there are answers and the answers make sense. God, I hope so. I hate to think there is no fucking rhyme or reason for any of this stuff.

She also told me that my family would get through this with a lot of love. I hope so. I don't know if they can. I don't know if he can.

The 99th post

I believe I am living in the most dangerous place on earth - the Land of Illusion, formerly known as The United States of America.

My country is floating on a cloud of illusion that we are still the greatest and the most powerful nation in the world. The truth is our status as a world power is slipping daily and our enemies, who are making alliances around the globe are growing stronger every day. Maybe someday the voicemail systems will be in Arabic (or Chinese or Korean or Russian) and we can press #2 for Spanish and #3 for English.

People here are under the mistaken impression that our schools and our level of education is the best in the world, when the truth is we fall ever closer to the bottom of the list every year that goes by. We continue to "prepare" an ever failing nation's children for “jobs and careers” that haven't existed in years and crank out kids by the thousands who can't read past an eighth grade level, can't perform basic math calculations and know more about Hip Hop culture and the newest cell phone ring tones than History or Geography. Meanwhile our American companies quietly hire engineers from India and China on a daily basis while handing our new grads a broom and a mop.

We continue to believe in the mythological story of the "American Dream" when the truth is the new "American Reality" is one of unemployment, underemployment or a life of Welfare, Medicaid and Food Stamps. The truth is our nations decline is fueled by outsourced jobs, illegal aliens and Walmart-style employment tactics that strip away health care benefits, pensions and livable wages layer by layer until the only thing that remains is the shell and a memory of what a Middle Class way of life used to be.

We continue to sing about "purple mountains majesty" and "amber waves of grain" when the truth is the land we love has been raped and peddled to the highest bidder. Between bananas from Chile and lettuce from Mexico, we can't even feed ourselves anymore. The family farmer has been replaced by business men with farm subsidies - being paid to grow nothing - and the family farms were driven out of business and bankrupted decades ago.

We continue to watch commercials showing poverty and ignorance as a way of life that applies to some other third world country around the globe, when the reality is that it's in our own backyard. We write out a check to Save the Children when the truth is that 1/3 of our nations children are growing up in poverty right in front of our face and "No Child Left Behind" is a farce and a failure.

We continue to accept politician words like "global economy" and "free market" when the truth is they are just labels slapped on to cover up an unprecedented corporate level of greed and corruption that is truly mind boggling. We like to believe in the Ward Cleaver illusion of the 1950's workforce; flying in the face of facts that tell us the average CEO earns 3-400 times more than the other workers in the company. The truth is that outsourcing American jobs has become our number one export, and dismantling the American workforce the number one agenda.

We continue to uphold the myth that everyone in the country has access to the best health care on earth, when the truth is we are one of only two nations on the planet that don't have universal health care coverage for it's population. A whopping 80 million Americans do not have health care coverage at any given time. We can't cure or adequately manage the top ten chronic illnesses that pummel the shit out of the national healthcare budget and we have no plan, goal or direction for the mental illness and drug addiction's that have ravaged our work force population and filled our prisons to the brim. The nations Emergency Rooms are in crisis, filling the role of the dwindling primary care doctors offices and non-existant Medicaid clinics. The nations hospitals are being bankrupted with disenfranchised elderly who have no long term care provisions or assistance and our prisons and homeless shelters are serving as Mental Institutions and Drug Rehab centers.

We continue to debate the nonsense of Democrat vs. Republican when the truth is we are flipping the two sides of the same coin - neither one of which is brave enough or honest enough or capable enough to pull us out of the mire we are sinking further into every day.

We stand open armed and closed eyed at Ellis Island, while the truth is our borders are as porous as our bank accounts and retirement plans. Illegal aliens walk across or drive across, unseen and undocumented by Immigration, but expected and welcomed by businesses across the county who are rapidly replacing any remaining American workers with the newest form of slave labor.

We delude ourselves into thinking that the terrorists are somewhere out in the desert, with ski masks on and a machine gun in hand when the truth is, they're across the street from us, and standing behind us in the supermarket; hating us and waiting for the opportunity to attack us like a pack of rabid dogs.

We continue to “charge” our way to happiness, when the truth is our collective debt - both on a personal level and a governmental level - is staggeringly unsustainable. Foolishly believing the party will never end - yet when the day comes and the foreign nations who own us, call in the markers on our debt - our governmental and personal economy will collapse like a financial house of cards.

We persist in the myth of our own civility, when the truth is our streets, our schools and our public places are filled with gangsta's and barbarians who measure the worth of other people in terms of what can be taken or stolen from them. Manners, decency and respect for life have long left the building and we didn't even notice.

We continue to delude ourselves that we are one nation under God, when the truth is that God has been torn down and traded off from our schools, our government and our churches decades ago in the warped attempt at making everyone happy. The truth is we are growing a nation of children who are adrift and making their way ever closer to the amoral whirlpool which is sucking them under.

We wrap ourselves in the pink clouded belief that our politicians are “American’s”, when the truth is they belong to their own special nation of the Billionaire Elite; manipulating and manufacturing laws and loopholes to benefit only themselves and those that own them. They line their pockets as fast as they can, while laying the rest of us out on a silver platter.

We delude ourselves into thinking that Middle Eastern wars are “winnable”. When the truth is we are fighting ideology and fanaticism wrapped in centuries of ignorance, bloodshed and animal hatred that we can't even begin to understand. Our President justifies his actions by sending minor officials to attend the funerals of other people’s children and continues to play war games in an Ivory Tower drenched with honorable men's blood and draped with a White House web of Lies.

We placate ourselves with Disaster Relief plans and Community Drills when the truth is the infrastructure, the resources and the capable manpower is so inadequate for just every day use, that should a disaster befall us, our best option would be to become flexible enough to be able to bend over and kiss our own asses good-bye.

Our President fiddles while Washington burns, and we just stand around and tap our toes to the American Idol music.

I want my country back. But I'm afraid it's too late.
All I can do is stand there and watch us circle the damn drain.

6-6-06

So I finally managed to put together a blurby piece of writing on Wrath. The deadly sin delegated to me by Nukie. It's just that I've been so busy. I'm in "summer school" taking Chemistry of all things. Great subject, Chemistry. Too bad I have to "get a grade" in it. All this grading stuff really dampens one's enthusiasm for learning a subject doesn't it?

The illustration above is my new desktop background. Isn't is cute? It's a penguin in a hot air balloon. I needed a change from Stonehenge.

Anyway, I see the Dem's can be as corrupt and stupid as the GOP. What's with Patrick Kennedy and his boozing problem? Ah well, I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree now does it. At least he didn't drown anybody.

And that joker William Jefferson - $90,000 cash in the freezer. Jesus, how drug dealerish is that?

I don't know why the kids even bother going to school in June. Between the field trips, the theme parties and the plays I can see why the US schools have fallen to 24th on the list. Christ Almighty.

The little one is in a play today. She tells me on Thursday night at 9 PM as I'm getting her out of the tub, that she needs a DOG COSTUME for her play rehersal IN THE MORNING!?! Shit. Talk about wrathiness...so out we go to the only godforsaken place open at 9 PM that will have brown felt and it's not my favorite place - you guessed it WALMART or SPRAWLMART that bane of suburbia and wrecker of the decent paying job market. I hate spending money in WALMART. So I was up until 2 AM making a freaking dog costume. I'll remind her of all this someday.
But it really turned out cute...although the stitching was a little large because I was pretty cross-eyed by that point.

The bigger Ham Junior had her (one of THREE!!!) dance recitals at Fantasy Island ( a local amusement park) on Memorial Day. God, it was hot as Hades and I got sunburned. Now I'm peeling. Yuk. Very unattractive let me tell ya. The next 2 recitals are at UB's Center for the Arts. This multiple recital thing really blows. It's cute the first time but Jesus.... And her outfit is SKIMPY!! So this is where it all starts I guess. I could practically fit the whole damn thing in a sandwitch baggie. (I posted a little story on just that subject on Dribbles. The names have been changed to protect the innocent...or something like that).

So today is 6/6/06. I guess people are a little freaked about it. Stupid. If they want to get freaked about something they should look at who's sitting behind the big shiny desk in the Oval office. Now that's something to get freaked about. Remember when everyone thought Ronald Reagan was the antichrist? Well, he had nothing on Georgie Boy. I'd take the Alzheimered old guy any day compared to this fool...and that is sure saying something.

Well, I'm happy to report that the Sunrocket VoIP phone is a success. My old phone number should be transferred by Friday and I can kiss Verizon good-bye. One of my patients at work told me that the GAS COMPANY (Evil Bastards) charges $2.00 a month to bill me. So, I looked on my bill and sure enough they do. What fuckers. Those people have 5000 ways to screw ya. That's another company that I'd like to kiss good-bye. A guy I knew who was an engineer told me the gas company has a subsidiary company that supplies fuel at a lower rate, so I'm checking into that.

Today is Grievance Day at the Town Assessment Department. I'm going to go and grieve my ridiculously hiked up new property assessment. Good luck with that racket, right. Yeah, I know but I have to get out some of my wrath about it. (LOL) Another set of evil fuckers. Goddam Tax Assessors....

I just hope that Dante's Inferno is somewhat descriptively true. Maybe there will be a special level of Hell for all these people. (Insurance Adjusters can be included in there too)

So I'll catch up later.

-Wrathy Ham

$%#@^&*!!!!

Of all the “Seven Deadly Sins”, Wrath is the one that applies to me. I don’t know if it has anything to do with being Italian or not, but I have a temper that - when hit just right - can flare up like a match and flash fry an egg. (My first apartment had a few glass fragments permanently imbedded in the wall above the sink – and it was not “art”.)

But, what I really don’t understand is, why is Wrath a sin? I mean, if we are made in God’s image, and if we have to contend with the Wrath of God, then what gives? God can be wrathful but I can’t? I mean no disrespect here (I’m throwing that in so I don’t get a lightening bolt to the keister) and I can fully dig the principle that “rank hath its privileges” but I’d like to submit a comment in the Divine Complaint Department.

I looked up the definition of wrath in the Webster’s and came up with this:

Wrath (rath) n. 1, fierce anger, rage 2, vengeance

So, I know somewhere it says “Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord.” So I’m willing to compromise. The Lord can have the vengeance part, and I’ll just keep the fierce anger and rage part. I’ll even save the rage part for PMS days and use the regular old fierce anger part for everyday use! I think that’s fair.

Really now, it’s not like wrath doesn’t get used. Right off the top of my head, I know we have “The Grapes of Wrath” and we have “The Wrath of Khan”. Geez. Grapes get to be wrathy but I can’t? And who is this Khan anyway? What makes him so special? I can see a case being made for the other five and one-half being sins (that Lust one….really now, what’s the big deal? Unless you’re Jimmy Carter, Lust Shmust. Who cares?) Greed, Sloth, Envy, Pride and Gluttony I can see those being deadly. I mean who wants to deal with a greedy, lazy, envious, prideful glutton??

But anger? Why don't we replace that with something really sinful. How’s about STUPIDITY?

Yeah. If we made Stupidity a sin then maybe us wrathful people wouldn’t get so angry.

And what about INCOMPETENCE or WHININESS? Yeah, now we’re talking. Let’s make Stupidity, Incompetence and Whininess all sins and we wrathful people would be a whole lot less wrathful. Then there's also SLOBBINESS? Let’s add Slobs to the list, too. While we’re at it lets add PEOPLE WHO ARE AS SLOW AS DEAD TURTLES to the list. I know they really burn my ass on a good day.

Personally, I think the list of Seven needs revising. It’s too out dated for one thing, and it really could use some clarification. For example, I prefer to think of wrath as just plain old justifiable anger considering all the irritating people and circumstances that are out there; and we haven’t even discussed computers. How can we have a world with computers in it and not expect a little wrath every now and then? It’s just not possible. I’m just surprised computercide isn’t number one on the list of reasons why people need to go out and buy another one. In fact, I think every computer should come supplied with it's own baseball bat. The point is “Wrathlessness” is a Utopian concept, right up there with “Sharing” and “Forgiveness”. It goes against genetic programming. We don’t want to share, we don’t want to forgive and we get "wrathy". Is wrath a worse ill than stupidity, incompetance or whining? Something that's worthy of being classified a deadly sin? Who knows. I do know it's tough on the dinnerware from time to time. I guess the bottom line is I'm not Mother Teresa. So, sue me.