My Onion Pi

If you can figure out the name, you'll know what it's about. Fortunately, I'm literate. I'm also funny on occasion. Just beware of the flying PMS.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

I Ain't Florence Nightingale

Well my "Need Ta Git It Off Ma Chest" blog post has created quite a furor with old WayneDawg and the ladies, Kimmyk and Queen Snarfetta! I just love it when ya'll come to my aid! It's touching, ladies! But I'm cool. Wayne is no different from a lot of people who aren't in the healthcare field. The "image" of the stereotypical Nurse gets crossed with other archetypes like your Mom and your Kindergarten Teacher. (Or crossed with fantasies of the Soap Opera Nurse Hottie) Wayne just hadn't had his expectations met, and it threw him a little. Wayne, my friend. Ya'll got a little confused. You mistook venting for job dislike, or job burnout. No, no no, my friend. It is precisely that venting (and I'll grant you that a blog is a very public venting place) that enables me to look those people in the eye, take care of them with real and true compassion, and never let them feel they are a pain in my rear end. I am glad for you that you are happy in yer job. I can't imagine what ya'll do, that ya never have a bad day, never git pissed or feel like singing Twisted Sister's song "We're Not Gonna Take It" while you jump up and down on the desk top, swing from the fluorescent lighting - jump down, moon yer boss and run from the place screaming "Take This Job and Shove It, I Ain't Workin' Here No More". So whatever it is you have found - Well, God-Allah-Jesus-Jehovah-Buddha-Shiva Bless ya man! I love what I do. I don't love it every minute of the Goddarn day, every day of the year. But I feel that way about my kids, too! Shit. (Somedays ya wish ya could send 'em back!)

Wayne, Obviously yer not a Cop, a Social Worker, a Psychiatrist, a Teacher, a Paramedic or a whole host of other jobs that take incredible amounts of heart and soul to perform day in and day out, with a lot of bureaucratic red tape, bullshit, disappointment, fatigue and heartache. Jobs that require "Black Humor" (no, I'm not talking about color or race here) to get through it, jobs that require venting and sometimes some serious tears.

I have done this for 13 years my friend. This is my 2nd career. I have a B.S. in Business. I don't HAVE to do this. I want to do this. I want to do this because I CAN. And not everyone CAN my friend. It has nuthin' to do with the sheepskin. Plenty of people start off in this field - and leave it real quick. And it has nothing to do with the mounds of paperwork, the crappy hours, the swing shifts, the holidays you're required to work, the regulatory commissions you have to ass kiss, the bosses who never say thank you for a job well done (but are the first to shit on yer head if something is wrong), the co-workers who take their frustration and stress out on you, the Psycho Doctor's who scream rant and rave - throw things at you and talk to you like ya just arrived off the banana boat, the wacko sue-happy families who drive you crazy. No, not even all that can take the polish off ma white shoes.

It's because they can't stand there and hold the hand of a sobbing mother who has just found out her 20 year old daughter was driving and hit a tree - smashing her skull and dying instantly; they can't wash the bucket of blood off her body without wanting to vomit, and can't try to tape her head so that her brains don't fall out when the family looks at her. They can't take the 10 month old baby who was beaten to death by the mom's boyfriend while she was out shopping. They can't take the woman who found out she had breast cancer the day she delivered her first baby at another hospital, and is now in your hospital - post-partum, waiting to start chemotherapy and radiation; crying her eyes out because she saw her newborn for only twenty minutes before being transported. They can't take the 21 year old leukemia patient whose first - and last - words after coming off the ventilator were "I love you, Mom". They can't take performing the 2 hour code on the 11 year old that died in the school swimming pool - continuing to code a dead child because his mother is collapsed on the floor begging you to please not give up. They can't take the 18 year old who overdosed because she didn't get an A in one of her classes, and the 67 year old end stage lung cancer patient who won't let go of your hand because he is so afraid to die alone. And believe me, I could go on.

I have every card, every pot holder, every ornament, every drawing, note and letter every patient has ever given me in my career.
I vent because I have to. I vent so as to not take it out on my kids when I come home tired and defeated. Wondering why the hell I do what I do, why I pull out of myself what I pull out of myself, to give to other people, because they need help.

I have been bitten, kicked, scratched, spit on, vomited on, shit on, pissed on, had a psych patient pull me up by the pen around my neck (which is why I don't wear THOSE anymore) one foot off the ground and threaten to kill me (and almost did), had my chin split open by a sucker punch, been sworn at, and then some.

But I'll tell ya one thing there Wayne. When the heat is on - nobody moves faster, has better instincts, cares more and watches more closely than me. And if you or yer loved one is coming in feet first - ya'll better hope ya get me as yer Nurse. Because I'm no Florence Nightingale. Baby, I'm better.

Grade Fucking A Ham!


At Thu Jan 05, 08:34:00 PM, Blogger kimmyk said...

Atta girl Hamrose!

At Fri Jan 06, 04:16:00 AM, Blogger Queen Snarfetta said...

I'm glad you were able to take it, because the other day was my day to wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I was having an "I hate these alpha white males" day to begin with, due to my own personal run in with a jerk, and then to read that post from "Mr. 180 Pound Great Shape and Gorgeous, All The Chicks Love Me," I couldn't stant it, I just went off... I really did look like the cat in the photo you so appropriately posted....

At Fri Jan 06, 04:56:00 AM, Blogger Hamrose said...

Well, afterward I looked up waynedawg's blog and... that explains everything. I left him an invitation to hear my reply, and a couple of comments - which he will probably delete. Then again...he might just persist in his persuit himself another blog post. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

At Fri Jan 06, 04:58:00 AM, Blogger Hamrose said...

I'm really lovin' that picture though!

At Fri Jan 06, 05:17:00 AM, Blogger WayneDawg said...

Since you dedicated a whole post to me I must respond out of a sense of honor.

You still obviously miss my point. I think ranting and venting is a good process to get the buildup of plaque off our chest. I see nothing wrong with it. I do it. What I am trying to say is that you attack the very people you serve. In your field, as a health care professional, you are to expect those kinds of behaviors, situations, irrationalities, obstinate and otherwise very rude people. It’s the nature of the work. No different (as far as the individuals you serve) than law enforcement. It’s ironic that you mention that I must not work for these types of public services or I would have a better understanding of what they go through. You’re correct. I don’t. I do have a few very close friends however who do. One is an emergency room nurse. One is a sheriff’s deputy. One is a coroner. I do have first hand accounts of the type of people they deal with. One difference though; I never hear them attack the people they serve. They provide a service to the public just as you do. They get their share of the above mentioned folks. The get burned out too. They vent about certain things. They get frustrated. But they never attack the ones they serve. That’s why they are there.

You are free to post at my site. I will only delete or edit the cursing/obscene language.

By the way Queen, I never said I was gorgeous and all the chicks love me. I have been married a very long time. Have kids. Have Grandkids for crying out loud. I do try to stay in shape and keep active. I merely posted I was 180lbs, run and play ball to counter the posting I was 400lbs and needed someone to wipe me. I like being healthy and staying in good physical condition so I can interact and enjoy the kids and Grandkids for as long as I’m able. If that makes you think of me as a jerk, so be it.

At Fri Jan 06, 05:22:00 AM, Blogger Hamrose said...

Well wayne, maybe if you've never heard any of those friends vent to you in that manner, maybe it's because yer just a little too sanctimonious...or maybe they're just way better people than I am. In either case, I really would prefer if you just looked at OTHER PEOPLES blogs and stay off of mine. I'm trying hard not to be nasty, but your really striking me as a dense asshole.

At Fri Jan 06, 07:17:00 AM, Blogger Queen Snarfetta said...

GOD! That guy's assholishness knows no bounds, and he's a psychotic born-again, one of those maniacs who reports people like us to the government.

freaking scary. At least we're straightforward with our fucks and shits.

At Fri Jan 06, 08:32:00 AM, Blogger Hamrose said...


At Fri Jan 06, 09:04:00 AM, Blogger runningman said...

Hammy, You put the "Ham" in Cunningham. Wow, quite the sparring session you and Wayne had. What was really nice was the fact that your true friends swarmed him like bees and came to your support. Remember pillar number 10. Anyway, it did spark another story that I had forgotten involving the difference between Insurgents and American military personnel. A very old and effective Sniping technique is to intentionally wound an enemy so that his fellow military comrades will come out of cover to his aid so you can nail them too. Unfortunately, this tactic works all too well on Americans because the average American Unit will exhaust a Batallion of poople to save the life of one American. The insurgents on the other hand do not give a rat's ass about their fellow bad guy and would not raise a finger to come to their aid if it meant putting their own butts on the line. Once I thought I had finally proven my theory wrong when one came running out of his hiding place to help his fallen buddy, but then he grabbed his ammo belt and RPG and left him lying there. Of course I was obliged to make sure he joined his buddy for that all important meeting with Allah. Wayne is one of those people in life less beautiful than others. Keep on blogging.

At Fri Jan 06, 11:33:00 AM, Blogger Hamrose said...

Runningman...your a cool dude! P.S. Ya'll should check out his blog (it's not for the faint of heart, but it is a tru testament to the courage and honor of our military men...and I have to say...I am partial to the Marines) in any case, it REAL STUFF, and it's worth reading, knowing and taking to heart. Ya may not agree with it, but you'll know where they stand...and it's a fine and honorable place.


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