My Onion Pi

If you can figure out the name, you'll know what it's about. Fortunately, I'm literate. I'm also funny on occasion. Just beware of the flying PMS.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

SUV Names

Did ya ever notice the names plastered on the rear ends of those huge gas-guzzling pig mobiles known as SUV’s? A recent perusal of the parking lot revealed some mighty interesting monikers:

Explorer; Blazer; Trailblazer; Outback; Odessey; Voyager; Windstar; Mountaineer; Caravan.

Boy, have the marketers got the number of the American people or what? It’s like everyone has Teddy Roosevelt fever. That need to charge right on up the hill, yelling “Bully, bully” wearing our pith helmets and with the faint refrain of Bungalow Bill playing in the background. So, not only do we not travel the High Plains with our Caravan’s, Blazer’s or Trailblazers, but we also don’t navigate up the Mountains with our Mountaineer. We don’t forage new territory with our Explorer’s or our Voyager’s or our Outback’s, and lastly, we don’t navigate the final frontier with our Windstar’s or our Odessey’s either.

No, all we do is suck up gas, block the view for anyone who’s not in a semi-truck or bus, and contribute to the coffers of the men who are tightening the noose around our collective necks. I’m not a fan as you can tell. I can’t see what difference a few cubic square feet makes when yer hauling the little darlings around town to go to the Mall or their Soccer game. The truth is, no matter how much space they have the little bas…Er, I mean, the children, are going to fight like rabid dogs anyway. And what really frosts my cookie, is I always see ONE LONE DRIVER in the gaddam vehicle. Come on people! Squeeze yer fat ass into a compact fer cryin out loud! Better yet, walk! Cripe sakes, we’re all too fat and lazy anyway. Oh, sorry, a little bit of Archie just popped out. Ok, we can’t walk, but we really don’t need to continue to contribute to this Petroleum Hell do we? I mean, chances are any one reading this blog, or blogging away themselves isn’t getting a portion of the pie. In fact we are the one’s dangling off the bottom of that rope that’s getting snug around the neck. (That ain’t a necktie people) The bloodsucking bastards can flip the switch off anytime they want, and we will all be begging for mercy. I don’t know about you all, but up north here after Katrina did her hoochie coochie dance on New Orlean’s the gas at the corner station shot up to $4.00 per gallon premium.
Two years ago the Bush administration said it wanted to get gasoline up around $3 per gallon. Hm-mm Katrina was a nice little excuse. And of course, once it’s at $4.00 lowering it to $3.00 looks like a bargoon - and no one complains too loud right?

But, it’s just my onion pi.


At Mon Dec 05, 05:30:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What do you drive hammy??

At Mon Dec 05, 05:47:00 AM, Blogger Hamrose said...

A Hummer.


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