My Onion Pi

If you can figure out the name, you'll know what it's about. Fortunately, I'm literate. I'm also funny on occasion. Just beware of the flying PMS.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

And Now, Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Programming...

Well, I have a couple of days away from the blog and all hell breaks loose. Now that Nukies temporary insanity/urge to hit the destroy button, has been sated I can get back to what I was originally going to post on Monday morning.

Last Friday was a great day!!

The day started with a session at the gym, where Ron and I were discussing bikes (mototcycles to be more precise). Ron is one of the Trainers at the gym, but prior to being a Trainer - he was a motorcycle mechanic. I told him I had been interested in riding one (in the front of the bike, that is) for quite a while, but didn't think I was strong enough to handle one. Ron joked that I also had to get the obligatory tattoo - maybe something like "I love my bike" on my butt cheek - and wear a pair of hot pants. I told him, if he could get me into hot pants I'd tattoo "I love my trainer" on the other cheek.

Our conversation had gotten me thinking, and I stopped at the Harley Davidson dealership. It's an imposing building without windows and one large dark door that gets locked with steel doors at night. I had never been in there and could only envision a lot of big burley tattooed guys hanging around staring at me and thinking aloud, "What the hell is she doing in here?"
Fortunately half the staff was female and the atmosphere was completely different from what I had imagined. I asked one of the gals what I needed to do to "get started" and she told me that Harley was sponsoring a Ladies Night on Wednesday for those women who want to know how to take riding classes and how to select a bike. Needless to say, that's on my agenda for tomorrow night. I also bought a really cute pair of boots. (see pic) And sat on a Sportster 883 that felt pretty comfortable and like something I could handle.

I was planning on going to a retirement party for one of the Town's Paramedics, this great old broad from Brooklyn named Betty. She was one of the first female Paramedics in the State and one of the First (for a long time) in the very small Town Police Department. She got a lot of shit when she started and it lasted a long time. She's been about 100 shades of blonde, always applied a fresh coat of lipstick before going out on a call and probably has slept with half the Fire department and the Police department over her career. I remember her when I was working in the same ER I'm in now, but as a nursing student. I had left the hospital after I graduated and when I returned there a dozen years later, I was delighted to see her still in the saddle (ahem...literally and figuratively). She was truly a force to be reckoned with and will be sorely missed for her uniqueness and personality. The "do" was being held at the Police Club, and I really didn't have anything I wanted to wear to it, since most of my wardrobe consists of scrubs, gym sweats or pyjamas. So I went shopping and to my surprise found I had dropped another size! (woo-hoo) I bought the perfect skirt and top that would go nicely with motorcycle boots (hey, they were all cops, paramedics and firefighters) and I have to say I looked pretty damn good.

The one funny thing I noticed was that we did three things that in this "Politically Correct" society I had forgotten about:

1. We said the Pledge of Allegiance.
2. We said an opening Prayer.
3. The speakers told dirty (and actually quite funny) jokes.

It was like the 50's all over again. It was strange in a way, and in another way very refreshing.

I'm going to pass on one of the Betty stories, because she is so funny and this story sums up her personality to a Tee. She was talking about "briefings" which apparently are the start of shift meetings where the department (Police and Paramedic) review cases and "perps" they are looking for. (Didja like that little bit of lingo there...) So this one cop is talking about this case where a man keeps parking in front of one of the all-girl schools, and sitting in his car without any pants on. The guy is taking pictures of his penis and throwing them out the window onto the sidewalk. The cop keeps looking at Betty and laughing as he's telling the report. So finally Betty (who is not about to be intimidated, embarrassed or outdone by this guy) says, "Alright, let me see one of the pictures, maybe I can recognize him." Like I said - one of a kind.

So...that's what I was going to post on Monday. It's already old news, but....I have nothing else. Actually, that's not true...I always have something to say. But I'll let you know how the Ladies Night goes...and's a secret for now! No sense in stirring up Edith and Archie...not just yet anyway.

The Ham-ster


At Wed Feb 22, 03:55:00 PM, Blogger nukie310 said...

The Tattoo is going to look great with your tong.

At Thu Feb 23, 09:27:00 AM, Blogger Jeff Vachon said...

Hot Pants went out in the 70's Hammy. You must wear a thong and bustier to look cool on a bike these days.

At Thu Feb 23, 03:23:00 PM, Blogger kimmyk said...

I can not even believe you doin' the whole bike thing....I'm in shock...and I gotta say a wee bit jealous. You're going to be a biker babe!

OMG...just don't get in one of those photos of naked breasted women.....I'm not sure Archie or Nukie could handle it. Jeff and WDKY on the other hand would probably pay for the photos! cha-ching..side job!

At Thu Feb 23, 04:04:00 PM, Blogger Chuck said...

Get a Rice bike. There SO much cheaper and much more dependable. The Harley sound & image is hard to beat 'til it hits your wallet.

A class or two is a must. A university in our area offers two intensive bike classes.

I ride with some 'tiny' women who hold up some pretty big bikes so don't be put off by size. No pun about size not mattering intended.

At Thu Feb 23, 05:12:00 PM, Blogger Hamrose said...

Well Jeff, My trainer is an old biker
from the 70' pants...too funny.

Actually Chuck, Ron told me the same thing, sad but true...but I think he referred to them as "Jap Scrap" instead...

Kimmy...I'm a few years past posing naked...upper or lower....

Nukie...No thong, No tattoo. Don't like the wedgie...and don't like anything quite THAT permanent.


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