All I want for Christmas is...

Kimmy has this post up about pornography and it got me thinkin' about sex and sexuality.
Now, porn isn't my thing. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have PLENTY of appreciation for the male body (oh, yes indeedy I do) and women's bodies are beautiful and curvy, but what is it that people REALLY want when they look at porn?? Sexuality! If it were just raw parts we'd all be stocking our bookshelves with Anatomy books or subscribing to National Geographic. No, we want to be turned on! And what turns us on is sometimes very subtle and hard to define. So I started thinking about what sexuality is to me and I have to say what keeps coming back to my mind is Peter F**king Fonda. God, that guy turns me on. I swear, that's what started me on hippies in the first place. Peter F**king Fonda.

I grew up in a very, very, very small conservative middle-class suburb. We had the only double on our street. My parents and us kids lived in the downstairs flat, and my Mother's mother lived upstairs (except for this one brief stint where she had longed for the old days and moved back to the West side - only to find out, of course, that times had changed. When her flat, which my mom had rented out, became available again she moved back in - permanently. She didn't pine for the old days so much after that freaky deaky experience.)

Anyway, two doors down from us, in this big old Dutch Colonial, lived this crazy old lady named Frieda, and her family. Frieda was a clean freak. She would come outside dressed in a blue dress with a white apron, black crepe soled shoes, and a hairnet on her head; and she would wash the driveway with a scrub brush and a bucket. No shit. She was nuts, but her son! Her son was a hippie, and looked exactly (EXACTLY!!) like PETER FONDA!
He had a VW bug and...best of all...a Motorcycle. The fact that he was probably in his early twenties and I was twelve did not matter to me at all, but alas...he had a girlfriend...and, didn't know I existed. But! He used to sunbathe in her back yard...wearing a black speedo. Oh, God help me!! Needless to say, spent a lot of time looking out my grandmother's bathroom window.

Holy Shit!! The sight of Peter Fonda stradling all that hard shiny chrome still sends my hormones skyrocketing all over the universe. And people think TIES are a phallic symbol! Man, oh man. And that leather...pant, pant, pant...it's so primal and testosterone loaded. Oh, my God!! Who needs porn when you've got Peter F**King Fonda. Jesus, I'm sliding off my chair just thinkin' about it.

I swear that's why I've liked Hippies ever since...Mm-mm...and Motorcycles...Ooooh God...and the smell of a black leather jacket on a man...Oh, Lord have Mercy...can make me do some verrrry bad things. Whoooo! I have to stop writing now...


Easy Rider Hammy