Spatters

Well, the "Just Say No to Evil Rat Things" campaign seems to be working rather well.
I have to admit it is VERY hard to change a Type A personality. But after that disasterous last week-end at work, some changes needed to be made. In order to "remind me" of my new committment to bliss myself out I have pasted an image of the crossed out Evil Rat Thing on my locker at work, and on the dashboard of my car, and at my "CEO desk" at home. Ham Jr #1 likes the image, she thinks it's pretty funny. Ham Jr #2 does not like the image, she thinks it's weird.
But, it must be working because one of the Big King Slackers (and my new mentor) at work made a remark to me over the week-end that "this isn't the Hammy, I know" and later said, he was "very impressed" with the new Hammy. The shit was hitting the fan all week-end long. I think the bus must have pulled out in front and let them all off at our ER. But I was determined not to let it get to me. I just took a "fuckitall" attitude. If people got ticked at the wait, I apologized for their pain and directed them to the Doctor. If people wanted "narcotics" or "more narcotics" I made suitably sympathetic noises and just directed them to the Doctor, if the Doctors started getting cranky I just told them to "write it down, I'll get to it", I took my lunch, I took a break and I even pee'd when I needed to pee. I just wasn't going to get into overload mode no matter what happened. I wasn't going to make their problems, my problem. Let the Doctor handle the shit for a change. Let the Doctor decide they've had enough of the nutball and write the script for Lortab just to get them the hell out of the ER. Why should I keep running point? Fuck that. Let the Doctor deal with the know-it-all daughter-in-law or the irate and offended son. Fuckit. I just took a deep breath or two and mentally said, "Fuckit, Fuckitall".

I decided I'm not cleaning up the mess, I'm not going to take ownership of the problems and I'm not going to take the failures of the system personally. Fuck That Shit. Let someone else eat the stress. I'm full up.

Needless to say, Saturday felt a little alien. I realized how hard it was to ignore all the shit around me, and not jump to do something about it. Not want to get up and fix it all. Not to get pissed off and erupt at the big huge never-ending pile of shit. Or to put it another way, how hard it is NOT TO BE ITALIAN. But, I had a pretty good day in spite of the chaos all around me, and the fact that I had to fight to not react to it - and consequently, Sunday was a lot easier. I realize this is going to take some time to ingrain this into my personality, but I'm thinking, why not apply this to other areas of my life? In fact, why not apply this to all the areas of my life?

Now, I don't know how much is "nature" and how much is "nurture", but the Dali Lama says it's possible to change the chemical pathways of your brain by your thoughts. And I'm a big fan of the Dali Lama. He always looks happy. I want to be happy too. I just don't want to wear those saffron robes or get my hair cut in any funky ways. But other than that - count me in.
My cardiovascular system is lovin' it already, and Sunday night I went home happy, calm and in a better frame of mind than I have been in for a long time.

Blissful Ham