My Onion Pi

If you can figure out the name, you'll know what it's about. Fortunately, I'm literate. I'm also funny on occasion. Just beware of the flying PMS.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Destructive Little Bastards!!!

I got this image off of a "squirrel lovers" website. I am not much of a squirrel lover, even on a good day, but today these rats with bushy tails are just plain "destructive little bastards".

I haven't been able to get on the internet this week, except for a few minutes here and there. I think I visited a blog or two before getting frozen up. I couldn't figure out what the problem was so I called Nukie first and then the cable company. Well, Nukie wasn't too much help, but he was on his way out the door - so I'll cut him some slack. Wakanukie was busy trying to hide all Archie's excess dirt (long story) in various places on my property, so he was no help either. But it turned out to be a major squirrel problem. The destructive little bastards damn near ate through the cable line. But I got a new modem out of the deal - so I guess I can't complain too much.

Anyway, I have to tell you the story of Ham Jr. #1 First Communion. Just about everything that could go wrong, did go wrong, but it ended up being OK in the end.

First, the ex-Mr. Ham was being a tightwad and he didn't want to pay for a big after church breakfast, so I decided we could do a small after churchy breakfast and then have everyone else over for roast beef, potato salad and cake. Good plan, right? So I dutifully trudge to the store to get the stuff for the spread and take the two Ham Juniors with me. That was my first mistake. My second mistake was thinking "Oh, well, now that I'm here I should just do some grocery shopping." Bad idea. First of all the two Ham Juniors had me so distracted with their Ham Juniorish bullshit that I could barely remember where I was, much less why I was there. Secondly, I had so much other crap in the cart that I couldn't focus on what few items I actually NEEDED to buy. Needless to say, I got home and realized I had forgotten the little one's tights. (She goes through tights like kleenex) No problem, I thought. I'll run over and buy the tights as Edith is cutting the girls hair. (They both needed haircuts as they were looking like 60's leftovers) Before I could shuffle them over to grandma's house the phone rings and it's Edith telling me she's over Wakanukies house watching his kids because he has FOOD POISONING from ARBY'S! I told her she was going to be there until 3 AM waiting for him to come back from the ER. And...I was right. So THE MORNING OF the First Communion the little one still had to get tights, Edith had to cut the girls hair (Edith and Archie were pretty much running on no sleep at this point) and I concentrated on trying to get the girls showered and dressed and get us all to the church on time.

Well, I was concentrating on Ham Junior #1's dress and veil and shoes and tights and gloves and all the rest of it, so much, that I forgot to see if the little one had DRESS SHOES THAT FIT. Well, she didn't. At this point we had half an hour until we had to leave and I still wasn't dressed. (Mom is always the last...) So we ended up with a pair that technically fit, but whose velcro had worn off on one shoe, so that everytime she walked her shoe fell off. Not good. She shuffled through the whole morning. It was pathetic.

Once we finally got out of the church and headed to Perkins for "breakfast" it was 2 o'clock in the afternoon! We got out of there (stuffed to the gills) at 3:50 and everyone was supposed to come over at 4:00 to eat again! Well, not even I could manage that, so I called Mrs. Nukie and told them to come around 6:00 PM. Wakanukie was home in bed (besides I really didn't think he'd be up for another roast beef sandwitch...ahem.) So his representatives were told to come later.

Once we hit the door at home, the little one headed to the garbage and threw her shoes right out. It actually was rather funny...and totally justified I assure you. Ham Junior #1 looked beautiful. Father Jerry was very enthusiastic and it was a rather nice mass inspite of it's length. But most important Ham Junior #1 learned a valuable lesson: Nothing ever turns out as expected and there is no such thing as a perfect day, so just roll with it and do the best you can.

Now...where is my squirrel hunting gun....


P.S. Tomorrow is my last exam of the semester...wish me luck.


At Wed May 10, 09:16:00 PM, Blogger kimmyk said...

Good luck tomorrow!!!

I didn't know squirrels would eat through cable wire. Why would they do that?

What's up with Wakanukie not wanting roast beef?

At Thu May 11, 08:43:00 AM, Blogger Hamrose said...

Well Arby's serves roast beef, so I'm assuming that's what he got food poisoning from. Besides, I think he was just eating baby food for a few days afterward...LOL

Yeah! Those damn stupid squirrels....I hope they get zapped right on their fat furry little asses next time they do that %$#@*&^!!! Rodents! They're all rodents.


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