My Onion Pi

If you can figure out the name, you'll know what it's about. Fortunately, I'm literate. I'm also funny on occasion. Just beware of the flying PMS.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Justice...Texas style

Well I was happy to hear former Enron executives Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey Skilling finally got their due.

It seems Ken Lay was a little surprised, apparently he thought his money and influence meant that he could get away with major theft and fraud. Who does he think he is, Dick Cheney?

According to Reuters:

Lay used his and the company's money to gain political power by donating heavily to candidates, particularly Republicans and especially the Bush family.

He was the biggest donor to President George W. Bush, who before the Enron scandal referred to him warmly as "Kenny Boy."

The story in Reuters quoted:

After the verdict Lay stood with his family members gathered around him and weeping loudly. Lay had no tears and tried to console them, saying, "God's got another plan right now."

Lay, 64, the son of a preacher, then clasped hands with them as they stood in a circle to pray. "We'll all come through this stronger and more reliant on God," he told them.

Uh, yeah "Kenny Boy" God does have another plan for you right now. It's called "prison".

Apparently Jeffy had some trouble with the verdict too. Reuters quoted him as saying:

"I think we fought a good fight but some things work and some things don't," he said. "Obviously I am disappointed but that is the way the system works."

Oh, of course! The system is supposed to reward theft, fraud and perjury, not punish it! How silly of us all to expect you to pay for your crimes like a common criminal, when your special. You're a corporate criminal.

No amount of jail time can make up for all the lives they've destroyed with their ruthless and calloused greed.

Here's to Ken and Jeff's new roommates! Have fun fella's!!


Monday, May 22, 2006

Happy Birthday Wakanukie!

Here's Waka as a baby. Gosh darn he's so cute.

Happy Birthday Waka. You were always Mom's favorite.


Saturday, May 20, 2006

It's Here!!

Well the "new arrival" is finally here and it's...a Sunrocket!

I, ahem...I'm all done with the other kind of new arrivals.

In case you don't know what a Sunrocket is, it's a new internet phone company. I guess it's like Vonage only they don't have the same (annoying) "catchy" little jingle and they don't seem to advertise on the Boob Tube as much.

It's so simple even the technically challenged Ham-meister could connect it.
And if it lets me give my greedy evil phone company Verizon the boot, then I'll be even happier.
So far it seems pretty good. The voice quality is very clear. (Honestly, I haven't noticed any difference) And the best part is the price. $199 a year for unlimited calling in the US, Canada and Puert Rico (if I ever get a yen to call Puerto Rico).

I have to wait until my telephone number is transferred over to give Verizon the Heave Ho.
Speaking of Ho' "Freedom Essentials" plan with Verizon works like this:

Verizon "Freedom Essentials" Plan $39.95

Other Ways to Fuck You:
USF - Long distance $1.23
Surcharge(s) $1.24
Federal Tax $1.24
NYS Tax/Local Tax $3.40
FCC Line Charge $6.40
Federal USF Surcharge $0.73
Surcharges(s) $0.22
911 Surcharge $0.35
Federal Tax $0.22
NYS/Local Tax $0.61

Total of extra Bullshit $15.64

REAL cost of doing business with Verizon $55.59

Now you see why I want to add them to the long list of "Companies I Can't Wait to Screw Back?"

I checked out Sunrocket before I turned over my credit card number and it seems the company is run by Lisa Hook, who used to run AOL's broadband division and grew them up from a mere 300,000 subscribers to over 5 million in two years. Apparently she came out of retirement to run this company.
They've had write ups in the major papers and Money Magazine, Forbes and the Techie mags as well.
But I like to go "to the source" so when the cable dude came over to repair the damage created by the furry little bastards also known as "tree rats" , I asked him about internet phone companies and he said "Thumbs Up!". All that was good enough for me.

So for a FLAT FEE of $199 a year (they also have monthly $9.95 option for 200 minutes a month which apparently includes international calls as well...if ya ever get a hankering to call Iraq, Iran or Afghanastan to find out what's really going on over there....) which INCLUDES ALL TAXES, SURCHARGES and BUTT FUCKS WITH OR WITHOUT VASALINE you too can give your greedy evil phone company the HEAVE HO.

Check them out at The cable dude told me that some of those left brain thinkers at work had switched from Vonage (which I have never tried and can't vouch for either way) to Sunrocket and liked it better. So, if you have tried Vonage and didn't like it for some reason, I can assure you this Sunrocket deal smokes, and the voice quality is no different.

So give the Ho a Heave, and save some real bucks in the process.
And it will make you more Tech saavy! Didja notice there are TWO links in this post, huh, didja???! Well...there ya go.


Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Happy Tuesday

I can't believe my last blog post was Thursday?!? Gee-sus. Where does the time go.
Rockdog sent me an e-mail that I thought was too good not to post so here it is:


Number 10 - Life is sexually transmitted

Number 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one dies.

Number 8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6 - Some people are like a Slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.


We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America... but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

I kinda agree with that last one there....

Happy Tuesday!


Thursday, May 11, 2006

The Letter "L"

Ok. This is the letter Kimmy gave me. The idea of this is to think of 10 words that begin with this letter that have meaning to you in your life.

Licorice - This is one of my favorite candies (next to chocolate of course) but it has to be black licorice...none of that funny red stuff.

Love - I love love. I love love in theory. (It's the actual practice part that I have trouble with.)

Lazy - I am inherently lazy, but my bank account keeps me working...

Leather - One of my favorite smells. (Lets just leave it at that).

Lake - I'm a Cancer, so any sizeable body of water is necessary and appreciated in my life.

Liberal - Well, I'm loathe to label myself, but I suppose I tend to lean a bit this way. LOL...just a bit. (Less than you'd think).

Loophole - Something I am always looking for.

Lemon/Lemonade - One of my favorite colors, and one of my favorite drinks.

Literature - Something I cannot possibly live without.

Lavendar - My favorite flower and perfume.

Ok. That's it.
L shaped Hammy

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Destructive Little Bastards!!!

I got this image off of a "squirrel lovers" website. I am not much of a squirrel lover, even on a good day, but today these rats with bushy tails are just plain "destructive little bastards".

I haven't been able to get on the internet this week, except for a few minutes here and there. I think I visited a blog or two before getting frozen up. I couldn't figure out what the problem was so I called Nukie first and then the cable company. Well, Nukie wasn't too much help, but he was on his way out the door - so I'll cut him some slack. Wakanukie was busy trying to hide all Archie's excess dirt (long story) in various places on my property, so he was no help either. But it turned out to be a major squirrel problem. The destructive little bastards damn near ate through the cable line. But I got a new modem out of the deal - so I guess I can't complain too much.

Anyway, I have to tell you the story of Ham Jr. #1 First Communion. Just about everything that could go wrong, did go wrong, but it ended up being OK in the end.

First, the ex-Mr. Ham was being a tightwad and he didn't want to pay for a big after church breakfast, so I decided we could do a small after churchy breakfast and then have everyone else over for roast beef, potato salad and cake. Good plan, right? So I dutifully trudge to the store to get the stuff for the spread and take the two Ham Juniors with me. That was my first mistake. My second mistake was thinking "Oh, well, now that I'm here I should just do some grocery shopping." Bad idea. First of all the two Ham Juniors had me so distracted with their Ham Juniorish bullshit that I could barely remember where I was, much less why I was there. Secondly, I had so much other crap in the cart that I couldn't focus on what few items I actually NEEDED to buy. Needless to say, I got home and realized I had forgotten the little one's tights. (She goes through tights like kleenex) No problem, I thought. I'll run over and buy the tights as Edith is cutting the girls hair. (They both needed haircuts as they were looking like 60's leftovers) Before I could shuffle them over to grandma's house the phone rings and it's Edith telling me she's over Wakanukies house watching his kids because he has FOOD POISONING from ARBY'S! I told her she was going to be there until 3 AM waiting for him to come back from the ER. And...I was right. So THE MORNING OF the First Communion the little one still had to get tights, Edith had to cut the girls hair (Edith and Archie were pretty much running on no sleep at this point) and I concentrated on trying to get the girls showered and dressed and get us all to the church on time.

Well, I was concentrating on Ham Junior #1's dress and veil and shoes and tights and gloves and all the rest of it, so much, that I forgot to see if the little one had DRESS SHOES THAT FIT. Well, she didn't. At this point we had half an hour until we had to leave and I still wasn't dressed. (Mom is always the last...) So we ended up with a pair that technically fit, but whose velcro had worn off on one shoe, so that everytime she walked her shoe fell off. Not good. She shuffled through the whole morning. It was pathetic.

Once we finally got out of the church and headed to Perkins for "breakfast" it was 2 o'clock in the afternoon! We got out of there (stuffed to the gills) at 3:50 and everyone was supposed to come over at 4:00 to eat again! Well, not even I could manage that, so I called Mrs. Nukie and told them to come around 6:00 PM. Wakanukie was home in bed (besides I really didn't think he'd be up for another roast beef sandwitch...ahem.) So his representatives were told to come later.

Once we hit the door at home, the little one headed to the garbage and threw her shoes right out. It actually was rather funny...and totally justified I assure you. Ham Junior #1 looked beautiful. Father Jerry was very enthusiastic and it was a rather nice mass inspite of it's length. But most important Ham Junior #1 learned a valuable lesson: Nothing ever turns out as expected and there is no such thing as a perfect day, so just roll with it and do the best you can.

Now...where is my squirrel hunting gun....


P.S. Tomorrow is my last exam of the semester...wish me luck.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

One for the Hamster

Well, I had my lab practicum Monday in "Horrible Hettie's" class.
The guy that I asked to be my "patient" was two minutes late. That was the longest two minutes of my life.
My stomach was just doing flips. I thought Hettie was going to say I couldn't take the exam.
Out of the nine possible test examination areas we drew the card for ENT (eyes, ears, nose, throat) so lucky for me my new "toys" (otoscope and opthalmascope) came in handy.
I guess it was worth all that practice on the kids. (Me: "Come here and let me look in your ears."
Ham Junior: "Mom!!" Me: "Just stand still for heavens sake...")

So, she posted the grades yesterday and....I got 100.
I kept staring at the grade and thinking something must be wrong. Like it was really a ten or a zero or something. But it really and truly was 100.

She had told the class a few weeks ago, that in the entire history of the class a few people had managed to get 100. She said it was possible, but that it was really rare.

I walked around most of the day in semi-shock. Every once in a while I would think, "I can't believe I got 100." I kept checking the grade to see if it was changed, but it's still there...and still 100.

I think about 1/3 of the class is going to end up failing this semester. (Last semester it was 25%)

She had such a funny look on her face when I left. I really didn't know what to think. It wasn't that I thought I did that well. I chattered like a Myna bird through the entire exam. I was so nervous being watched and taped on camera that It seemed I couldn't shut up. Well, I talk to my patients anyway...but I usually don't chatter like a Myna bird....

I called one of the other nurses I work with who is also in that class. She said she got an 83. For some reason I couldn't tell her I got 100. I told her that (and I quote) "I did OK. I passed."
Sigh. Sometimes it's really hard to do really well, because it seems like you can't tell anyone about it.

So there is still the written final left. In the meantime I'm allowing myself to decompress and NOT study for a few days.

Meanwhile Ditzy Dora's class is over. I scooped an A+ in her class, although the "official version" hasn't been posted yet, I calculated my total from the posted grades.

Yesterday was a good day.

I guess every once in a while I get one.


Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Unfortunately, The Wrong People Die.

With very little notice or fanfare a great man passed away on Saturday April 29th.
John Kenneth Galbraith was a Canadian-Born economist and professor at Harvard University.
He was considered by many to be a "Liberal Thinker". Which is the Conservatives way of trying to discredit somebody, so that no one else will listen to what it is they have to say.

So what was Galbraith saying that upset Conservatives so much?
In a well known book entitled "The Affluent Society" (1958) Galbraith stated that the "free market system" in the United States was creating great personal wealth at the expense of society. He challanged that the system was sacrificing public needs such as schools and highways. (Can you say Walmart?)

He never shied away from the "label" of "Liberal" and was famous for quotes that cut to the heart of the issue at hand.

I find it interesting that when a person is labeled a liberal what usually accompanies that term is the word thinker. When a person is called a "Conservative", you don't usually see the word "thinker" after that term. The key word isn't Liberal, but Thinker.

And so, there it is, the sad passing of another very insightful man who said almost 50 years ago what was going to happen to this country, and unfortunately he was right.

Quotes by Galbraith to live by: (or just to get you thinking)

"Under Capitalism, man exploits man. Under Communism, it's just the opposite."

"The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness."

"The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking."

"Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory."

A man like Galbraith is worth 100 George Bushes.